@DeShawnsWorld

At 26 I can honestly say I have been through the ringer in relationships and friendships. Through it all I keep hoping for the best of both worlds. I put so much into both that I seem to be way to aggressive and it comes off as mean/evil. I set extremely high expectations for people who fall into the friend category and relationships. To me they may not seem to be so high but to them they are impossible. I truly believe I give my all when I'm in both.

In a friendship I expect loyalty and honesty. When things are shared I expect for those things to stay between the two of us and never come up in a heated conversation. Although, we're all human and with that mistakes are supposed to be made.......... but how far is to far? I give my all in a friendship to the point when they bleed (I bleed), when they cry ( I cry) and when they hurt (it's my pain as well). In friendships I see so much of myself giving with little receiving. Yet, I continue to be a good friend because I was once told that, "You have to be a friend in order to get a friend". I have been lucky enough to use "Best friend" more than once in my lifetime. Although they didn't live up to it, I don't regret one moment with them. I put myself and I give my all in a friendship because thats what I think a real friend should do. I have the ability to cut friends off extremely quickly when I feel betrayed because the pain is unbearable for me. I never speak of it again and I move on. Yes, it hurts everyday but like always someone else comes to fill that void and once again I'm in the same predicament. The pain that I have encounter from friends or should I say "so called friends" I hold in and I take with me on my journey. It was once said to me that, "You are lucky to have one friend in your lifetime......but you are BLESSED to have more than one"......I carry that with me always and that's probably the reason why I have so much hope in a true friendship.

In a relationship, I can only say one thing.....I give my ALL. Yes, it has been taken for granted plenty of times. Yet, I continue to believe in true love. I truly believe when you are with the "one" you are ONE. You can feel what they are feeling before they speak of it, you can relate on a level that only God can understand and the only thing that separates the two of you is your body parts. I have been in love but there has been times when I wasn't loved back. I have just recently accepted that because I had to love to understand how to be loved. Although, I haven't found real love.........I have sooooo much hope that it will find me if I continue to do my part in this world.

I know I come off so hard but like every person in this world protecting ourselves come first. I have been through so much hell that I don't think many could phantom but I keep holding on with my faith. I am more than grateful to have the LAC (Life After College) crew on my side. Yes, we have our ups and downs but within in these past months we have grown closer as friends and individuals. As long as we keep teaching each other on how to be good friends.........I don't ever see myself being freindless ever again.

Love you guys,

LaToya De'Shawn